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I Don't Watch 'Game of Thrones'

Cosmopolitan.com 2019-04-15 07:37:00

Apparently, winter is here. TBH, I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I am under the impression that at the very least, it will involve a lot of swords, dragons and death. Although I'm going to sit this whole Game of Thrones thing out, I still feel as though I am preparing for battle. We're only one episode in, and my Twitter timeline is already an absolute war zone.

If you DO watch GoT, you know that every environment from your Instagram explore page to the water cooler in your office is a minefield of spoilers. But if you don't watch...you are living a much harsher reality. When everyone around you is sucked into the world of Westeros, you start to become deprived of genuine human interaction. When's the last time someone asked you how your day was? Or noticed your new haircut? Probably sometime back in November 2018, when HBO finally confirmed the final season. Since then, all of the Game of Thrones fans have been back on their #ForTheThrone bullshit, and the rest of us have been forgotten.

Not watching GoT isn't like not watching The Bachelor, where you just have to scroll past a few tweets on the night it airs. It's more like catching mono, missing a month of high school, and then stumbling back into a calculus class where your teacher is suddenly speaking a foreign language that everyone understands except you. But like...self inflicted, LOL. This is what it's really like to not watch Game of Thrones, since not a single one of you have ever had the consideration to ask.

First of all, you become a complete outsider.

I understand that there is nothing more deserving of a dramatic eye-roll than a person who thinks they deserve some sort of award for never having seen a single episode of GoT...especially during a highly anticipated final season. It’s a buzzkill. But for every unoriginal “lmao am I the only one who has never watched Game of Thrones?!” tweet, there are five fans waiting to sarcastically attack.

Sure, you laughed when Gretchen Weiners told Regina George that she couldn't sit with the Plastics, but now that you know what it feels like to be excluded, it doesn't feel so funny.

Actually, being harassed for not watching might be a step up from complete isolation. It's considerably less lonely.

On your most positive days, you're happy for everyone who watches. Like, it's actually kind of nice just to see everyone else happy.

At some point, you might even consider actually watching. I've tried on multiple occasions, but I usually tap out as soon as someone gets sliced with a sword. Not to mention, it looks so cold and dirty all of the time? Also, hard pass on that whole incest thing.

Anyway, as happy as I am for all of you to have this thing to bond over, I'm really looking forward to the finale. I just want to know what all of the memes on my timeline are about, you know?

Hannah Chambers Hannah Chambers is an entertainment editor at Cosmopolitan.